The Name's The Thing
by CatsWhiskers
Summary: Names are very, very important.


Names are important.

Her name is Princess Charmaine Hillingdon The Third.

And she hates it.

It's the most stupid name she's ever heard in her life. Much worse than her brothers' names.

No-one calls her Princess Charmaine Hillingdon The Third, though. That would be stupid.

They call her Prizzie – and that's just as bad.

Well, the Woman Who Looks After Prizzie does. Prizzie's mother calls her 'My Little Girl' (which is very embarrassing when you're trying very hard to be grown up because you're very nearly ready to leave home) and her brothers just call her 'Runt'.

And it's not _fair_ being the only girl and being so much smaller than your brothers, and they keep trying to steal your dinner because you're small and can't stick up for yourself.

Today's a very important day, and Mother says that Prizzie's got to be on her best behaviour. She's been bathed and brushed, and she's trying her best to keep neat and tidy, she really is, but that's not easy when your brothers keep pushing into you and trying to mess your hair up.

Hate boys. They're stupid.

Big bullies.

Musn't fight back, though. Mother says so. Especially not today.

Because today Prizzie might be Adopted.

Prizzie doesn't really understand what that is, but Mother says that it means that she's going to leave home and have a new family all of of her own.

That could be nice, proving that none of her brothers are going to be Adopted as well. Not by the same family, anyway.

But just at the moment it doesn't look as if anyone wants her. All the people who come in to see her and her brothers seem to want to Adopt one of the boys.

She's certainly got less brothers than she used to have.

Perhaps no-one will want to Adopt her, and she can stop here with Mother and the Woman for ever and ever and ever.

That would be nice.

Mother doesn't seem to think so, though. Mother says that Prizzie's got to leave home (although Mother doesn't quite seem to understand why, she just keeps telling Prizzie that it's what she's got to do.)

There's a Nice Looking Woman come to see them now – oh, and there's a Man with her! He's got brown hair and big brown eyes just like Pizzie's, and he looks as if he'd understand what it's like to be little and frightened and Not Very Sure Of Yourself. He bends down and ruffles Prizzie's hair (oh dear, and she's been told to keep tidy! Perhaps she won't get into trouble, though, because it was the Man who did it) and he says to the Nice Looking Woman 'Let's have this one, Mum. She's so tiny, and I think she needs looking after.'

Plenty of people have said things about Prizzie's size today, but he's the only one who's been nice about it.

The Nice Looking Woman says 'Well, if you're sure' and then she and the Woman Who Looks After Prizzie start to talk about something called Paperwork, and the Man picks up Prizzie and says 'You're coming home with us, and I'm going to look after you, and it's going to be brilliant!'

And he cuddles Prizzie, and she snuggles up to him, and he smells all nice and comforting. And Mother says it'll be all right, and her brothers look at her a bit funnily, and Prizzie realises that for the first time in her short life they're jealous of her.

He's a very nice man, and he seems to know exactly where she likes to be tickled. It makes her squirm a bit (and for a moment she's worried that she might have a Little Accident, but she doesn't) and he giggles and tickles her again and tells her that she's brilliant.

And then the Nice Looking Woman says to the Man 'Well, all done and dusted. She's ours now.'

Mother tells Prizzie to be good, and Prizzie promises to do her very best, and her two remaining brothers say goodbye. And then the Man carries Pizzie out to the car. There's a comfortable old blanket on the back seats, and he wraps Prizzie in it and puts her on his lap and cuddles her, and while the Nice Looking Woman drives the car, the Man tells Prizzie about her new home and that he's called Arthur and the Nice Looking Woman is called 'Mum'.

The Nice Looking Woman – oh, musn't call her that, must remember her name is 'Mum' – says 'Well, Arthur, what are we going to call her? I refuse to call her Princess Charmaine Hillingdon The Third – or any part of that idiotic name' and Arthur cuddles Prizzie again and says 'She'll have to have a really brilliant name, because she's really brilliant. She's super. Super-duper. Super-duper-super-snooper-duper – oh Mum! How about Snoopadoop?'

Mum laughs and says well, no one else will have a name like that, and Arthur tickles Prizzie – Snoopadoop – again and says 'Well, Snoopadoop, what do _you_ think?'

And Snoopadoop-who-used-to-be-called-Princess-Charmaine-Hillingdon-The-Third barks and wags her tail to show Arthur that it's the nicest name she's ever heard.

And then – because it's been a very long day and she's very tired and after all she is only seven weeks old – she falls asleep on Arthur's lap while he tickles her ears and tells her about all the brilliant times they're going to have together.


End file.
